Wiser still…
Its quite safe to say..
That it took me 21 years to realise that i have nothing more to say than to listen to myself and others.
It’s called the state of stuckness that people know by many names. “Zen” , “Nebulous Peace”, and even an extension of “nirvana”. Lets see what i gather from this now onwards.
Beauty in breakdown..
(heard this song and liked the lyrics..)
drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
‘Cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you’re writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you’ve no idea what you’re like
So, let go, so let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It’s alright
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown !!
So, let go, yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(The music is quite sissy !!)
Thank you ….:)
I was told this by someone …..”shut the f*** up i know you better than you do !” a few days ago (in a compromising state 
), and i could not be more thankful for that today 
!
Sometimes its just the smallest of sentences that can pre-empt your thought process. I just had to listen to what was told to me after that, and believe me i was listening after that. Although i think that talk is cheap, but at that time it was all i could afford from you.
Your outburst was justified and i apologise for my stubborn nature, all in all i am back ! thanks to all of you….
the great escape….
Its such a beautiful feeling !!! I tell you, try once before calling me names or suggesting anything. I learnt this two years ago.
…okay so it goes like this. Find a huge occasion in which EVERYONE is involved, all of the people around you and everyone you know, let them just go attend that function or ceremony or something. (It would be only then that you won’t be remembered). Turn off the lights and listen to ur favorite songs LOUD….and just take a look at your self. I find myself filled with so much of things that i did this quite often. The whole idea of looking back serves as a test of your decisions and their implications. I most often see people,then i see my embarrasing moments my goof ups, my actions ,my losses, my anger, my ego and some more people. The whole thought process goes on and on untill you see yourself in them , and actually see yourself with your daemons, good ones and bad. At that point i generally can see how different everyone is , how vain is the effort to communicate and even when everyone has a different protocol of communication we still do !!!
The train of thoughts then gushes into the present and you see the current events , relationships and friends in a refreshingly new light. I call that my blue light . The blue light actually pleases you and puts you in a more embracing position, it tells youwhy you spend so much enrgy and time of yours on those close to you, it also gives a humbling taste.
I usually find this as an antidote to the fatigue that comes with the job of being well myself ! After the rendezvous with the blue light , i again fall in love with the excursion called life !
….okay now you can give me your advice, if you have a better solution.
p.s: The process is patented, blue light and nebuluos peace are trademarks of F.F ! and my nebuluos peace doesn’t allow me the use of blue light anymore 
Large cries with a coke please….
Never have multiple personalities if you don’t have the heart for it !!!
Xynia X, 3rd oct : Our Xynia X correspondent reports that there has been an outburst of split and multiple personalities disorder. People were found brooding, apologising and imposing themselves on other victims. The ones who were affected seem to be very disoriented with nowhere to turn to. “We have got to escape this madness!!!(other noises censored)” shouts one of the victim while others kept on crying on her.
We interviewed venerable Forlorn Farceur, asking him for explanations. He says that even he had this state and is adamant on not calling it a disease. He says that this is a blessing in disguise, one can benefit from this excersize of thoughts and conflicts. Xynia X needed this kind of unification after the great depression.
As we don’t always believe what he says , our spy spotted him healing over four xynians. The eyewitness detective had this to say : “i could not believe my eyes, he just stood there silently. One by one they came to him and he just listened then smiled said a few words and they were cured…no more crying and despair !!! then i witnessed all of them leaving Forlorn Farceur without saying good bye or thank you, such was the elation and ecstasy….and then i saw him leaving too, but what a stern face he had…nothing moved him, even i was crying for them and him !!….”(the detective later succumbed to fits of depression, Mr. Farceur helped him too but minutes after he sued us for damaging his public image)
We will keep on updating you the situation and the new developments. Officials are denying everything.
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Lets rain !
Do you or i for that matter rain on people ? Its actually quite easy, while accepting the latter, all one needs to do is to let the faucets open and then you have it ! unfettered flow of emotions , ideas, coercions and even diversions !!
What actually matters is that when you do rain, who are the ones collecting the water to drink, who are the ones will use that water to hide the open manholes, or who are the one to store that water and throw that at your face !!!
Bah ! Humbug !!…i found myself saying to well..myself, i am now at a point where i simply don’t care , i am free of all obligations and expectations. I don’t hope and i don’t hide. So why not just let it rain…..maybe more people can benefit from it.
Lets rain !!!
What is this @#%@ !!!
You know when once in your life you finally come to a conclusion that “i am a jerk” its so liberating !! I just got my dose of liberation. Life at this point of time has too many options of juicy returns for me that i started to ponder over possibilities. I obviously did research on many subjects who walked the lines of juicy returns 
At the end of doing my research i found those words of truth, lying plainly in my sight !!! The truth so obvious , they said ” dude , you don’t stand a chance … you can go for everything!!”, so undeniable that i took refuge in pleasures like sleeping and reading for past few weeks.
But then , this peace of mine is also being constantly attacked by these soothsayers….of sorts.
I have this on my orkut fortune : “When winter comes heaven will rain success on you”
I had this on my fortune cookie : “Good things are coming your way”
I found people smiling and saying :” He’s gonna do great some day”
I also saw this on my horoscope : “Be prepared for good times”
and then i was pissed !!! all i can see in the near future is more anguish and derangement and anything but good times. After being royally screwed , and being aware of eligibility criteria of certain opportunities i can only see that its these sayings are there to remind me of something……”you are a jerk!” , and yes i can see that now…..but please refrain from reminding that again and again. I am trying my ..umm not best….but yes semi-best !
My personal zombie…
I have a zombie,
it once wasn’t so dead,
it used to laugh and talk,
and one day i had a zombie,
my personal zombie !
its after my head, as i put her there,
the zombie is angry, why shouldn’t it be !
i have a personal zombie !
Troubled whispers….
I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with….PLATO
[ It would seem to an onlooker as if i am hiding behind big names and big quotes but the fact is ....why should i reinvent the wheel ?? , and no i am not hiding. Also Plato's comment has no bearing whatsoever to this story 
]
So, whenever i do find a pebble i keep it in my upper pocket and start to think about the possibilities which is my primary functionality. The small bright pebble is usually of a smooth shape, the older the pebble the smoother it is. I also see the lines on the pebbles which kinda adds beauty to the otherwise shiny rock.
Now, the problem is that too many people ask me on my way to picking these semi-gems that “What are you doing ?” or the more elegant “Why are you doing this?” to the morose “What purpose do these stones have ?”. Then i see myself explaining to each and everyone of them and quenching every doubtful mind. When i finally do get off its already too late. The sea in its high tide sweeps all its gifts back into the bag and extends its waves like a tongue, teasing me.
Now , i think i will not do all that explaining tomorrow and go to the shore directly.
It is tomorrow, i am running down the beach, this man stops me and asks “boy ! what are you running for? Are you running from me ? ” I just ignore him and run towards the shore….he shouts from behind “I am sorry for you child ! yours is a lost cause… “. The man went to my mother and told her that i don’t respect elders and i must be taught a lesson. She told my father , he slapped me, i cried. I went outside the house while sobbing and being brave to not to cry..the man comes out and says “Oh! look the boy is crying ha ! ha !”.
I silently went to the shore, this time at night. I went into the water looking for the pebble maker. Meanwhile the man followed me and told my parents that i was comitting suicide !!!! They pulled me out of the water and i was told never to go near the sea again. I was so sad that i got angry. I wanted to kill that man who took the pleasure of my life away.
I have now grown into a lad. I again see the man around me. He is more silent now. He watches over me night and day. I once failed a test and hid the result from my mother. The man bought that report and gave it to my mother. She just looked sad and looked at me once. After that i never failed. The man came to me this time and showed to me things of the world which seem to get everyone else excited. Not me ! He then forced me to taste the wonder liquid that he introduced me to. He then told my father about it. My father got furious and told me “Son, you too have fallen !” I sweared i would make the man pay for this.
I am now old. I still remeber the man. He was the one who reduced my life to ashes. It was because of him that i couldn’t talk to my parents. My father never saw my face in white light. My mother thought of me as a rascal who was good for nothing. Our home was mute. It was all done by that man. My father died of a heart attack and my mother followed him to his grave soon.
I am now going to meet the man and kill him. I knock on his door. He opened the door quite calmly and invited me inside.
To my surprise , i see my parents sitting on the couch eating popcorns out of a big yellow bag. The man’s house smelled of finality. I overpower him and take him outside the house in the backyard. I am now holding a pistol against his temple.
I asked him for the first and the final time…..”WHY DID YOU RUIN MY LIFE ?” He said something i could not understand. He was maybe scared and was mumbling fearfully. I bend down and go close to him. He said in a troubled whisper…”I am your life, and i was your life….!”
I thought it was raining as i felt wet. I left him there and went inside. I sat near my parents and had popcorn with them. I was at home now.
I never saw the man again.
