Unmistaken Clarity !

so where was i , yes ! now i had some inkling of a chance to channel my frustration to these unsuspecting people. the next class got over sooner than i expected …. i find myself with an old friend/ acquaintance of mine… the faction he was leading was the one my hostel obliged to with at the Poltu season.
coming up to me and asking for my support was the intent but what came out was something of a disappointing disappointed remark about me standing against them ! with the saddest little face.
i thought enough was enough no more holding in I should let it flow now i fueled it, Mr T had ushered in a kind a support that shook my friend Mr. A ’s confidences.(btw mr T also advised me to be vary of this particular faction’s patronizing powers).
The next step for me was to escalate these matters and have a say in this. So the solution cometh and was very simple. I tried to take both the consulting parties into confidence and start negotiations with good faith written all over my face. the only ‘credibility’ to my actions was that i was known to mr. A’s alliance and Mr. T knew me as a good candidate. Both wanting to cut each other off , greed hallowed be thy name ! Mr. A’s behavior when added to Mr. V’s, who by the way is an associate of Mr. A, was the most disturbing. The negotiating started , I went to Mr. T with an optimum solution of compromises on both sides but he refused clearly. My reaction to it was to simply not be any part of this mess, hence I declined my candidacy ( with a little bit of relief ). Now the game was on ! T would think that i was angry for not getting the candidacy, A would think that i did this for them, hence i become a controlling member.
i called a meeting with the two alliances in the exh hall discussing the compromises, to my contemplation was quite humorous, raised ghosts of the past evoking the scrooge’s within each other i prodded a proud path of self gratification and mocking.
Broken hearts and humiliated ones are the most difficult as well as easy to coax into submissions to ones plans.Legends have that, once a boy called R liked someone A, A humiliated R and the rest is history. now R must get sight of the situation , making amends to what had befallen upon him. he seeks the path of right while avenge is still knocking on the doors of his reasoning. thus comes the series of people not liking other people being successful.
One more character to be introduced is a rather timid one , he works industrially to his goals . one calls him the protector, others call him despo, many don’t care about him. Mr. Ro, a rather good person , though if you serve his interests , otherwise others are nothing for him. His name associated with his new fancy for S was more of concern for the people deciding the posts that these people were likely to get.
Another aspect that i left out was that , in general the feeling of discontent towrds mr. A’ alliance was apparent. many didn’t like the thought of some non working , fun loving people getting these posts all to themselves year after year.
so hence cometh the conflicts. R’s hostels were ready to give support to whoever not supporting R and ms. A’s cause. (Ms. A , Mr. Ro and also Ms S were aspirants for these posts). this was expected and Mr. A who was supporting Ms. A was quite willing to compromise. to Mr. Ro , many were pissed of at him for no reasons to my notice and the other side didn’t want him as well. Mr. A’s alliance was supporting Ro’s cause as their primary objective. The chaos could start now.
I talked with Mr. R and the some people from mr. T’s alliance. their interests were matching so the idea of a third alliance pops up while sending shivers to both of them. After taking both mr. A and T for a ride giving them cross information i felt a strong knot in my throat.
It just hit me , the hatred so immense, the despotic methods of approaching goals, friends once fiends another time , was unveiling before me the ugly truth that we still are animals , still the thirst for superiority is the chief cause for us humans marching towards our own demise. My sin was to meddle in this hate, my sin was , that i considered myself superior to them, my sin was to make farce of this sitation and relish the chaos emanating from this hate.
I realise this more often as people who once were friends , are no longer. People here value themselves as a woman values a diamond. My natural urge , which is to show my knowledge and be righteous about it, is mostly because i want acceptance in this society , i want to be a part of this system . i hate this system , i hate that people who take credit for jobs not done by them. i hate that, people who actually are not worthy of the posts and positions that they assume don’t get haunted by their realisation. i hate that people who actually work are the ones who are the targets to insinuations by unworthy ones. I hate that assumption of right and wrong as a philosophy is not even considered here. I hate the system’s making decisions for me.
Call me a ‘commi’ , but in my view nobody should suffer even the unworthy ones. it is the inhibition of failure that the people have which causes them to pre-empt actions which are not required. what we need to do is to make everybody aware that we all are here for each other, nobody is going to be crushed by any one of us. once this fear of others superseding me dies the effects are going to show and Bertrand Russel would stand corrected.
Beside all this now i know why people hate me , and more importantly now.

i know why ‘you’ wanna hate me !!!

The earth swarms with people who are not worth talking to
Voltaire
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed.
Bertrand Russel

Guessing the link between these two won’t take a genius, and it also shows you their perspectives. A certain chain of events or maybe a lack of the same may be the sole cause for this premature introspection.

A rather interesting chain of events unfolded on wednesday 20th, i mean yesterday. i would be exposing a lot of feelings in this post however these are a unversally known facts to people but somehow they pretend that those don’t exist.( if u dont get more posts in the next three days please call the police )

The empty slot between my lectures was a void full of an ever growing tumor which led me to numerous activities in that time, Newspaper reading :which was anyway ineffective as i would stare at people arriving and departing making noise all the way. Novel reading : Read ” Newspaper Reading ” above. Disturbing people hard at showing concentration in the exh. hall : Led so some ridiculus shooing offs i have ever heard. Chatting up with my deptt. people : Always led to “course selection debate” recently, but more often ends up in multiple ripple through waves of PMT Queries with minors and majors as the cherry at the top. But yes, this did cause a certain chain of events. Here i go …

At around 9:15 am i was seated as usual in the exh hall with a voluminous friend of mine, the usual pale orange newspaper being forcefully fed to me by the society. why do we need news …?
here’s why. a little group of people broke into hushing tones, tearing the non-silence , invited my attention. i asked my friend for the reson, the reply was ELECTIONS. HA! now i have something to mess with i told him, ( the hostel obligations were long over !). Apparently Mr. T was building his campaign to run for the office of a certain society. collecting candidates , asking for favours filling forms and big words being delivered at astonishing speeds. I went to these people to create confusion , i was going to tell two sides that they have my support, and hence started the journey of discoveries.

Before any utterances from my part Mr. T asked me to stand for a certain post also, thus i came into the mess. Even Magellan wouldn’t have encountered such diversities the likes of which was going to apprehend me.

Seems to me that i have to continue with this sometime later … (to be continued)

So it happens that i get into messy situations and that too many a times. Unnecessary as it may sound but my voice does fall always on the wrong ears and even that conveys the wrong messages with amazing regularities.

Hello dear blogboard. i m back again pouring a little of the brewing poison inside. student of iit delhi, electrical engg and in my second yr. at the bottom of my class and yet unperturbed by the “scary ” outcomes of that . this entry being the first of this kind from my mind has facets which are more of faucets to my stockpiling responses to the system’s followers.
i dread only one thing ‘ absurdity’ , but these people have something else on their playlist of fears to which they play day in and day out. rushing madly at the slightest glimpse of greenbacks( sorry not yet ). i see this all around me, obviously the pathway to that goal being a good GPA. i see only a few people getting their GPA’s reach a very high level , knowingly. don’t get me wrong i do admire the allout efforts of some of the most efficient and ready to work people of this country.

Coming back to the compulsive events that made me come back and pour out. i am viewed as a narcissist , egoist , despot , power crazy, good for just somethings , monopolistic , dominating oh and also a BLOATED HEAD AND VAPID YOBBY A$$HOLE.
Let me analyse the reasons behind these interpretations, afterall everybody should get a chance to introspect even a narcissist.

i started this semester on a good note with atlast something good for me. a small startup i was happy and obviously dont care much abt my GPA and those obsessed with it. i met a person at the time of my admission , supposed to be some kinda GOD topper, i didn’t worship GODs then and i don’t now. anyway he was new to the delhi way of life, lets say he wasn’t frm the urbans. i found the person to be straight forward , humble and down to facts guy. i did associate with him, and did walk him around the ways of working i do not say tht i was a friend cos i never could understand what the term meant i never had a best friend . so it was this person whith whom i paired up in all of my courses .( i also remember pairing up with him for the dep intro presentation in the first semester)

Knowingly that in one of the courses this person could not catch up bcos of linguistic troubles i paired with him to help him out in the first place. thus comes the first allegation : who the hell i think i am to help, am i so great to help a fellow person ? thus i am a narcissict in that manner. next for the presentations i knew very well that he might not have the highest confidences in public speaking, so i took the initiative of starting the majority of the work. : herence lies another of my sins : i am a monopolistic buffon, power hungry tyrant who the hell am i to judge my peer oops i cannot be a peer a DR 37 cannot be a peer .

Another jolting condition arises when i remember this partner of mine seeking the alltruistic advice of a ‘peer’ in matters out of his domain and concern , which in turn led me to argue with his highness over matters which should have been handled by him or me or with us ( a certain publications board). thus i am guilty to one more offences to humanity : i cannot be communicated to or reasoned with since my ego is bigger than hmmm something large enough….

Somehow i also seem to remember something about a term paper synopsis. an hour before the submission i was promised he would work later if i did the synopsis at that time. i didn’t think much about it untill the time for term papaer presentation came up, the same case was up on my face. my biggest mistake was to lie to him that i will not make the presentation , little did i know that all this was hurting my humble partners ego. , infact i alrady had implementations to the term paper presentation . moreso the ego was so badly hurt that the advise of alltruistic peer was again sought for, and i was being blamed for inflicting so much pain: my confession : i did this just to ensure non repetition of the first presentation where his silence and confusion was painful for me. i am guilty of being a “BLOATED HEAD AND VAPID YOBBY A$$HOLE”

I request my partner to please , or rather i plead him to put me into my own place by showing me my GPA/ departmental rank/status/ class / creed or what ever that would put my perspective into its place.

Of all the crimes i have commited i plead not guily on a second thought, just because i find in a strange way i was at the wrong place and wrongly quoted also incorrectly judged . intentions on my part were not hurtful, but it is rather me who is dumbfounded at the two faced diplomacy practiced on me: if u don’t like something say it on my face, i would do what i am supposed to do despite that fact. He could have straightened that me up anytime he wanted but for the sake of the presentation he shouldn’t have smoldered silently. i would have anyways helped him out,

but then i guess he is also one of those with a long playlist of fears, i can understand that.

OF ALL THE BAD THINGS I DID, I DID THEM WITH MY ETHICAL DOMAIN INTACT.
EVEN IF I AM AT THE ROCK BOTTOM OF MY CLASS THE ONLY THING I CAN HAVE IS MY RESPECT DON’T DENY ME THAT PLEASE !

i guess i went overboard with the flow of thoughts, u know me i tend to be a little over bearing…..