Wow, that was me ! This is me ?
It really has been a long time since i have written anything for my own consumption. I believe, it is more for my own benefit that i better record the sequence of mega events which transpired and affected not just me but a whole big section of a specific community . The concept is still the same, I ramble about what I learnt and feel good about it now, and later on it serves as a guide to what I was before thereby making it a benchmark. I may not ever be so centrally involved in something like this, so it may be safe to say that it could be the biggest dent i could have made in the scheme of things. It is also important to note that this time, for a change, i involuntarily experienced the events as if behind someone else’s eyeballs, i thought the thoughts from between ears which were not my own. All this happened with me right in the middle of it.
Confidence, sophistication, pride and calmness is what i promise to bring to the table when i take ownership of any project. It is so important for me to stick to those silly notions that i work 16 hours a day and sacrifice almost everything for them. So important that, i suspect, i think my work is my happiness. If i hear a client say that they never heard of such quick timelines and complex executions, i and tell them “You will see” with a wink. If they say that their experts can’t solve the problem, i jump with joy and tell them how i can and at half the price. You see, it is the excitement and adventure of being an entrepreneur in the world of high stake finance and technology which has kept me away from noticing everything else in my life. When you zoom from one firefighting exersize to the other it becomes routine. Your everyday conversations with friends tend to become awkward, you don’t really relate with them anymore. They talk about things like TV shows, Cricket and Movies while i stay stuck up trying to figure who will make the next killer technology and with what business model. I admit, what i have written above will sound to be highly self centered and glorifying to some, but it is the sad truth when one does nothing else but compete with himself 24 hours a day 6 days a week.
Without mentioning any details, we did something big and perhaps it will become a milestone in history. As things normally go with me, something became a “big” crisis and i suddenly was in the shoes of the people who were affected. I couldn’t speak for half a second, i felt sweat and disillusionment. Did i really do that ?
What surprised me was my own sense of taking control. Instead of falling apart, my autopilot kicked in and i got back into my own head. I was committed to get the people ,who i got into the crisis, back into sanity and into safe woods. It was really amazing watching yourself being brave. The feeling rubs off, we were mentally prepared for selling everything off our backs but at the same time we were all proud of what we did. Imagine being prepared to face worst of consequences, then by the virtue of something you did, you get off the hook. We went from doors to doors from offices to offices being confident and brave, so much to the effect of getting everyone to our side. They thought “hey, these guys are so sure, they can’t be wrong”. After 50 hours of constant working and negotiating we were in calm waters. The whole experience seems like a blur and i don’t think i have ever handled myself like this before.
It is at times like these, i realize that the happiness in work that i seek both got me in and out of the trouble. Maybe this is the kind of leap you take to understand that sometimes actions are the only real thing with nothing of it really affecting the global reality. The outcomes really are illusions and we fool ourselves by linking them to our actions. In the longer run, the way you learn to learn things from inference is the only tool you need.
I have been up straight 4 days. Will come back with a sane post.
Projections
It ,quite easily, seems to be possible that i would reach where i wanted before i wanted. I am not quite sure what i would do with the spare time left. I would naturally plan further but i am bored of it.
Time
Time / Time / Improvise / Really
Run / Jump / Dream / Time / Time
..
..
Experience / Live / Life / Time / Time
Time / Time / Success / Pride
Sky
Flying High, In the summer sky !
Blue ,Red,Yellow,Orange, Green , Black !
Its the same up or down !
Flying High, In the summer sky !
“Stick to flying sonnie !”, says the aged bird.
“Stop and ye fall down, overdo it and lose control”, spoke his mangled fur.
Flying High, In the summer sky !
“Brand new day”
A. Days/Nights/Toughness/Resolve/Retrospect/Pitfall/Anger/Feel Good/Rational/Logic/Resolve/Days/Nights
B. Sleep/Listen/Work/Think/Empathize/Advise/Lead/Innovate/Force/Ambition
C.\. Think\Think\Thi..
Turn the clock to zero, boss
The river’s wide, we’ll swim across
Started up a brand new day
You can turn the clock to zero, honey
I’ll sell the stock, we’ll spend all the money
We’re starting up a brand new day
Of rareness and fleeting glimpses…
Wierd is not quite the word that i am looking for but with more explanatory power than that, to describe how losing control is all i have to indicate that i can be normal.
Intoxication is more of an escape for others, for me it is purely the time to be human again. It is here , this place where i am now, where i find a breeze on trees a metaphor, a fleeting hello to a friend could mean a lot and a brazen episode of friends mean a bunch of things.
I am , well, an afterimage of what this writer thinks. I am frequently in touch with what he has quite subdued with time and places.
There was a tree on an island of south pacific. It was really close to the ocean and had plenty of sunlight. The ocean , with its tide receding and approaching the tree throughout the day. The tree , coconut tree was by nature attracted to water , but not the salty water that the ocean bought to it everyday. The tree cannot move and the oean cannot just stop, they are what they are.
Evolution crept into place and the tree got used to the salty water, the ocean however receded back. You see the island was inhabited now, the shore now is quite far away from the park where the tree stands now.
So, as the ocean , the tree and the coconuts happily lived ever after. Nothing was wrong. And thats what puts me in a paranoid mode.
I guess the happy endings are what makes us so dilusional, and so disrespective of our pasts. I know that the author guy here does disrespect the past as well, but in the hope of a happy ending ?? i don’t think so.
I guess he should get more introspective of the tree and the coconuts. Confused ? don’t be , nobody knows, maybe thats the problem. He is too sure..surely thats one of the problem between the him and the complementary forces.
yeah , i know, its like his left and right brain are at it again 
It must’ve hurt my friend…
Too obvious to state the fact,
but we function by stating, infact !
Atleast you said it without hesitating,
people like you are always calculating.
It must have hurt my friend,
we have all, sometimes, seen this end.
We are weird that way,
stating the obvious this way.
A reaffirmation from outside,
a fact from someone you trust..
The trust you just gave,
the pranks you forgave,
are they really harmless now ?
Be sure my friend,
this is wisdom,
this is nice,
this is life.
p.s : we share the same eyes….
The song doesn’t fade away , however the lyrics did..
Some songs are like museums and some are even displays of archaeological digs, metaphorically talking ofcourse. Our simple minded brain simply assigns a correlation with our feelings and the songs we listen to, hence creating a quintessential recall when played again.
A little thought experiment might help you be on the same page as me, for now, atleast. Imagine walking in the morning , very early , and listening to a particular song. Now, imagine doing this for 2 months, the same/similar song playing over while you walk down that path in the dimly lit outdoors with not a soul around. Imagine that this walk of yours elicits you to think or enact your present, past or even the future. This could even be a pondering time for your current life events. Think that this/these song(s) fit perfectly with your thinking process, maybe even aid it. Sounds, melodies and words could be synonymous with that feeling howsoever the song could be of any genre/mood/tense.
Now see yourself out of that situation for a long time, say 2 years. Play the damn thing again and all that returns is the feeling that you went through at that time. No relations , no references, nothing ! all that you recall is the set of emotions that went trough your brain and every last bit of it is bought back fro the grave of time.
I damned the song a while ago, but then in retrospect this could be a very entertaining prospect !! A little recording device is present outside of our brain !! They carry our input stimuli for anytime-anywhere convenience.
I remember the time i stared at the sun, i don’t know where but i remember what i felt..the lyrics look dull in comparison to what i saw in the sun, and they are faing. That was what i intended to do, but the songs kept on playing.
Melodies and beats ..like the museums of your own life.
Not the only one staring at the sun …
DON’T LOOK !! : shouts one voice , EMBRACE THE CHALLENGE !! : screams another.
One would feel accompanied when there are voices to direct you, intra-personal or inter-personal. I am standing here, waiting when these voices leave me on my own, in my peace. As i understand the dynamics of feedback, both parties need to acknowledge. What happens when i don’t respond ? Answer is quite simple the feedback gives up.
For a moment step into my spot, yes, its the only place here which isn’t scorched, and have a look around.
Imagine a door. Imagine a dark room with that door. Obviously you can’t see the door if its dark, but imagine that, there is light on the other side of the door. The light is enough to create a crimson lining to the outlines of the door which separates the darkness and light. Imagine that and then walk towards the door. You can smell the door !! So, much as you can tell whether the door is wood or painted metal. Yes ! its the paint that you smell , but usually you know the odor of metal with paint and its definitely that.
Please open the door, and don’ t focus on turning the knob much as that would shift your focus and determination. Just open it without prejudice. Yes, it opens on the other side, can you feel how easily the door opens ? It was very light despite being a metal door. Maybe its well oiled. Can you feel the warmth ? as light rushes into the room through you, around you !
It isn’t so bad is it then ? There in the sky , you can feel it!! Naturally you would want to see what all is lit up by that sun on the ground since you are standing on a ledge overlooking the land, the living and all that ! If you are free enough of bindings , it wouldn’t be difficult to look away from the alluring and beautifully lit up life, with every minute detail. You don’t really need to see it, you know how it could look thus you anticipate imagine. I request you to satisfy yourself with only you imagination. Transcending it would only cause disappointment.
Feel the warmth again, and know the source. You know where it is. Try looking at it and it hides itself with a cloud of power and awe. You just can’t see it !! Try again my friend, you know its secret now ! Sublime it may seem at first but you can see it now, the sun in its very simple form.. a circle! That my friend is the source. Now, to go further into the secrets of the source you have to look at it longer. I wouldn’t force you to do so , but that is what i have been dong for a while. I would invite you to stay but you wouldn’t understand its importance. So, stay a while and watch the sun along with me.
Being besides me staring, i think you would get an idea what i do think, and it is of utmost importance to me to keep looking at it. During this i have gained insight into the life below, to which i needn’t glance now. This journey of staying here while traversing the hierarchy of living to its source has left me dry. I am proud of what i am goin to be and i don’t quite like leaving all what was. Maybe thats weakness and maybe its the last ounce of it evaporating away from me.
I can imagine you telling me that i am going mad, and these are my hallucinations. What can’t understand is how can you be so sure ? Even if these are hallucinations how come they make so much sense ? And if i am going mad , why should i bother ? Isn’t that the whole point ? Dreams of one can seem possible to one and a fantsy to the other. What gives you the right to impose on others ? And if you want that right you can earn it right here. What i am saying to you is don’t be a hindrance to discovery, however crazy it may sound or seem. I pursue my purpose, i define my purpose.
Something tells me that i won’t be needing any of this where i am going, yet if i do i could return but not now. Not when i am halfway through the journey, or so i believe. I feel restless and ready to burst. Ready to tell all what i have learnt, but i must wait and give it time.The voices are fading away, they sometimes agree with me now. They may leave in time but i must keep on staring at it, staring at the sun even if i am the only one..
- Forlorn Farceur
“Origins of Forlorn Farceur”
